Embrace the Wait

I pressed the button at the crosswalk, the orange hand indicated I couldn’t cross just yet, and the digital voice told me “Wait.”

“Wait,” the voice repeated. Then again, “Wait.”

Okay! I Get it! I need to wait!

A minute later, the crosswalk changed, letting me know I could safely walk across the street to the grocery store. Where I waited for my chance to unload my basket, waited for my groceries to be bagged, and waited to pay. Then I went back to the crosswalk where I was told to wait again before I could cross the street. I waited to exit the parking lot and waited for traffic to go buy so I could get home. Where my family waited for me to cook dinner, which required waiting for water to boil and an oven to heat up.

Waiting is an everyday thing for every one of us. And we all hate waiting. Waiting at lights. Waiting in line. Waiting for packages to arrive. Waiting for people to get ready so we can leave. Waiting for food to cook. Waiting for the kids to go to bed so we can wait while our spouse decides what movie to watch. We want to hurry on to this and that, so we can do more of this and that. Despite our best efforts for an on-demand life, waiting is a continual part of life. An annoying part, but one that doesn’t seem like it’s going away anytime soon. So why aren’t we getting used to it? Why is it so annoying?

Biologically, there is a dopamine spike when we get instant gratification. The quick reward we feel when someone quickly responds to our text or post is a real thing, a gratification that is so wired into us that developers intentionally wire it into our apps and devices. That is exacerbated by the fact that time seems to slow down when we wait. Activity seems to make time fly by, so we wear “busy” like a badge of honor. There is no waiting when we are busy. That plays into an economical view of waiting where we are taught that time is money. And so, waiting equated to wasted productivity and opportunity. That has an impact on us vocationally, when waiting seems so unproductive. But internally, waiting seems to trigger some uncertainty. We like things predictable, and we get a little anxious when we have to wait. But I wonder if waiting triggers something deeper in us. Waiting inevitable implies that someone, or something, else is in control. Maybe it’s a service provider, a system, or a traffic light. This lack of control only builds stress and frustration.

There is a lot of waiting to be done this time of year. We wait for Christmas lists and wait for money to buy things on those Christmas lists. And when the money is in our accounts, we wait for an order to ship to us, wait in line at the store to buy the gifts, or wait until that item is back in stock. We wait in more traffic this year, wait to be greeted at the party. The kids wait for Santa’s arrival, mom and dad wait for a few quite moments alone to enjoy each other and the holidays. We wait and wait some more.

I don’t think it’s by chance that Advent, the time leading up to Christmas, literally means “a time of waiting and preparation.” Advent calendars, in both sacred and secular traditions, are built upon the slow anticipation of something revealed on December 25th. This time leading up to Christmas Day is all about embracing the wait. But just a few days into the season, with my shopping done and plans made, I am already weary of waiting. I want the payoff now. Instant gratification.

In our house, we put the tree up the weekend before Thanksgiving, and presents are wrapped and placed under the tree within hours of the lights coming on. There are practical reasons for this, with weekend plans and family gatherings putting an urgency on the trimming of the tree. But I also like the implication that presents under the tree bring. “See this package? I bet you wonder what is in it. You don’t know what it is, but someone else does. And in a couple of weeks, you’ll be able to find out what is in there. Until then, you’ll have to wait.” In this sense, the wait creates a sense of wonder. We like to watch mysteries in our house and play mystery games of who-done-it. But in real life, we want the unknown removed and replaced with the unveiled. But we miss so much in the process!

So here are a few truths…

• Waiting is annoying, and that is a normal feeling.

• Waiting is discouraged by so much in lives, in place of instant gratification.

• Waiting still an ever-present part of life.

But I wonder what we miss when we don’t wait. There are certainly some hidden benefits to waiting. I mentioned the wonder. That anticipation creates so much potential for awe. Waiting can also become a chance to make things better. There is a reason I wait for my cookies to bake instead of just eating the batter. Waiting allows me to frame things with more clarity. Some action should be delayed and not acted on with impulse. I wait to run across a street so I can make sure it’s safe, right? Waiting lets us see things form other perspectives, strengthening the bond between people. It forces us into empathy and can both build and demonstrate commitment and trust. There is a psychological “happiness effect” that occurs when we look forward to something in the future. That anticipation can make the pay-off even more rewarding. But mot of all, I think waiting gives us a perspective we all need, namely, that it’s not all about us.

This time of year, when waiting seems to be most annoying, we need to be reminded that other people matter. That’s why we give gifts to those we love and give to charities so those we don’t know can feel the love, too. But I easily forget that other people matter when I am waiting for that car in front of me to push on the gas pedal when the light turns green. Or when the guy in front of me decides to start counting out his money after the cashier tells him how much the groceries will be.

Victor Hugo once said, “Dreaming is happiness. Waiting is life.” Since waiting isn’t going away, join me in trying something for the next few weeks. When you are waiting – in traffic or in line or on the phone – wonder in the middle of that wait. Look around with appreciation, taking this extra moment to notice beauty, to empathize with the subject of your frustration, to imagine ways you could input instead of being irked, or to anticipate how much better things will be when the wait is over.

So let the wait shape you. Every frustrating pause is an opportunity to grow in patience, deepen gratitude and rediscover wonder. Life’s richest moments come after the wait not before. Let’s not endure the waiting that the Christmas season brings – embrace it. Let the waiting remind all of us that the best gifts in life are not instant; they are worth the anticipation.

This Advent season, embrace the wait.