A Life of Service

A week before Thanksgiving, my Uncle passed away. Thankfully, we were able to see him and my Aunt the week before, the last really “good” weekend he had before he began a quick decline. 

My mom, Wanda, is Gene’s youngest sister. My mom gave me my middle name in honor of Uncle Gene. Growing up in Iowa, we only saw Uncle Gene and Aunt Mary on a few occasions. Family reunions in Indiana, or occasional trips to California.

When I moved to the Central Coast of California nearly seventeen years ago, our time together dramatically increased. Leaving home in Des Moines, I wanted connection with my family, and that was only a few hours away outside of LA. I think we saw Uncle Gene and Aunt Mary once a month for several years, spending every three-day weekend with them, whether holiday related or respite needed,   until they moved to Palm Desert. And even then, we made sure to get together with them a few times a year, either there or in San Luis Obispo.

Any time I asked Uncle Gene what he had been up to, his answer always included the words “Well, I helped…” Whether his grandkids, his friends, or his neighbors, Uncle Gene was always helping someone. When I spoke at his memorial service this weekend, I told those gathered that “I’d venture to say that if I asked for a show of hands ‘who has received help from Gene,’ it would look like a Pentecostal tent revival.” One time, he came up to San Luis Obispo to help me resurface a fireplace. And on another occasion, he fixed my car when it broke down on my way to his house. He helped people with cars and with painting. He helped pull boxes down and put up with to-do lists. Uncle Gene helped hang pictures and install appliances. He delivered groceries to and did the yard work for people who couldn’t. And he listened and encouraged. Helping hands are rarely idle. 

Uncle Gene was a helper. In Christ-like behavior, he was driven by two questions of the people he encountered: what do you need, and how can I help. From where I sat, servanthood defined Uncle Gene’s life.

Biblically, servanthood is the act of serving others with humility and selflessness, most exemplified in the person of Jesus. Taking his Savior’s lead, he exemplified Mark 10:43-45: “Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant,  and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else.  For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Uncle Gene understood (and illustrated) that true greatness was found in serving others, not being served. It was difficult to do anything for Uncle Gene; he always wanted to be the help-er, not the help-ee. Even during our last visit with Uncle Gene a few days before he died, we had to pretty much hold him down so he wouldn’t attempt doing more than he was physically capable of. His spirit was willing, but his flesh was weak. 

But don’t confuse Uncle Gene’s humility with a sign of weakness. That, too, was simply him following another biblical mandate from Philippians, where Paul teaches is to “do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourself, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interest of others.” 

I am sure that Aunt Mary had to learn to share her husband, what with him helping all of the time. But his love for his high school sweetheart was never in question. They adored each other. I always found it both sweet and amusing that Uncle Gene would tell me, “I’m worried about Mary because of this or that,” and then Aunt Mary would tell me, “I’m worried about Gene because of this or that.” A sixty-nine year marriage is no small accomplishment. The love they shared predated the Ford Mustang, electric cars and the moon landing, cell phones and color TV, the birth of Taylor Swift and the Beatles. And as a longtime Lakers fan, Uncle Gene and Aunt Mary’s relationship predated Kobe, Magic, Wilt, Jerry AND the Lakers being in LA in the first place. Nearly seventy years… And their marriage remains an example of dedication and commitment. In our house, we never mentioned just one of them; it was always Gene AND Mary. There was not one without the other. Uncle Gene may have helped all of us at some time, but the one person who occupied his mind all of the time was Aunt Mary. 

That may not be entirely true. Maybe the one who occupied his mind most was Jesus. There is no denying that it was faith that drove Uncle Gene. So, as I reflect on his life, and share that with you right here, I encourage you to take time to reflect on what made him the kind of person that made this brief tribute happen. There was a great Savior permeating through my Uncle Gene. A man after God’s own heart who captured ours, too. 

So, Uncle Gene, it’s an understatement to say I’ll miss you.

And Aunt Mary, even though Uncle Gene is gone, I will always ask, “what do you need and how can I help.”

Who can you help today? How will you serve those around you?